Another Beginning
Seems like that’s what Life’s all about sometimes doesn’t it?
The day ends when the sun sets and as soon as it rises, we’ve got a new beginning right there. Everything seems the same — work, meals, chores, even the music we listen to. But, it’s a different day and another opportunity to do everything differently or in the same way as we did the day before.
I used to dream big, dip the pool of opportunity with my little toe and give up when I felt the ripples did not reach far enough.
Today is a little different. I have a dream; one that I’ve had for a long time and the same one that I’ve tucked beneath the covers because it didn’t seem like anything could come from it. This dream, is to be a writer. A damn good writer.
Writing is a huge industry and I have no idea how to navigate it. I started with writing blog entries. Then I started attaching photographs to my entries and because someone told me I seem to have a knack for photography, I got distracted and bought myself a DSLR Canon camera and focused on that instead. I didn’t have the patience to really learn how to be a good photographer, nor could I be bothered to lug that giant camera around everywhere I went. (Shout out to the the good people at Apple who’ve given us awesome cameras in our phones.) Then I noticed I had a collection of poems so I decided to put them all together in one place and see if I could turn them into a book of poems. Somehow that got dropped too. I guess I just didn’t see them as good enough, not poetic or profound enough because I read another poem some acquaintance posted on Facebook and felt inadequate.
The thing is, someone else’s work is always going to be better than mine right? It took me a long time to realise that I don’t have to be better than anyone. I just need to be the best version of myself. It doesn’t matter what that is because I’m not here to impress anyone. I’m here to live and experience the life that I’ve been given: The New Beginning that the Universe graciously blesses me with every morning.
The most recent thing I’ve dipped my toes into, is Medical Writing. That too, is a huge industry and I’m not even sure if this is what I really want to do or if I’ll be good at it. But I’m giving it a shot and the best part about this journey, is that I’m learning to read the signs and understand what I’m good at, what I’m interested in and most of all what I’m willing to spend my time on. And I don’t feel bad for choosing to do the parts that I’m willing to spend my time on because instead of wasting time forcing myself to do something, I’m quickly seeing that I’m not willing to spend my time on something because I’m not interested in it. Yes, it took me 38 years to figure that out. Maybe because I was such an indecisive kid, I was told repeatedly to stick to one thing and work hard at it if I wanted to be good. The wise words of the Boomer Generation whose determination to stick it out in a job they hated so that we, their children, could have the opportunity to choose.
While doing an assignment for my medical writing course, I realised I type fast. So I thought transcription would be fun. I had done it while I was volunteering and I remember enjoying it, so maybe transcription is what I could be doing! I got really excited with the idea so I looked it up, did some random exams online and learned quite quickly that transcription isn’t as easy as it seems. There are different rules and guidelines depending on the organisation. I put in a little time to give it a fair shot but came to the conclusion in two days that this isn’t what I want to be doing.
In the past, coming to this conclusion after having gotten excited about something would’ve disappointed me and left me feeling dejected. How could I be so foolish to think this was for me. Why did I waste all that time? When will I finally find that one thing that I am really good at?
But today is different. Today, I relished the opportunity I had to experience something new and learn from it. Today, I cherished an experience and should I die tomorrow, I will know that even though I never found what I was really good at, I found out what I wasn’t good at. And that’s okay because that’s an experience too!
Perhaps, knowing what we’re not good at could be a start to Another Beginning to something else…. which I might find myself being really good at.
Sunrise or Sunset. You decide.
